joke time

[home girl]

[img]graemlins/gulp.gif[/img] Yeah but one good thing about it is girls
like that make me look good in a bikini.

[CDNRunaways Fan]

LOL....I will have to pass that one around!!!

[CDNRunaways Fan]

2 men were talking about a mutual acquaintance.

One man said to the other, "I was talking to George the other day and your name came up. He told me you were a "dirty, old man". I stuck up for you and said you weren't an old man"!!!

<font color="#000000" size="1">[ May 29, 2007 11:29 PM: Message edited by: CDNRunaways Fan ]</font>

[home girl]

A burglar had been casing a particular house for some time.finally,he saw the owners leave for what appeared to be an extended holiday.that night he broke in through a basement window.he was trying to find his way in the dark when he heard what seemed to him to be the crackly voice of a very old woman saying shame on you!i see you,and jesus is watching you!startled,the burglar snarls back,shut up,grandma,or you're gonna get hurt!and none of that religious crap,either.he shines his flashlight all around,but no grandma.again the voice,shame on you!i see you,and jesus is watching you!the burglar warns again,i'll get you grandma,and don't think any of that religious stuff is going to scare me.finally,the beam of the flashlight finds a large cage,and in it a parrot.relieved,the burglar turns around and starts toward the stairs,only to spot an enormous growling, slobbering doberman,its teeth bared,waiting at the top.the crackly voice comes from the cage,go straight for his nuts,jesus!

[ellanoize]

Hello Stephan, How about another one?


A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie
farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan
says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of
cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice
as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of
kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie
replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

[CDNRunaways Fan]

Hello Roger!!!

Ya gotta love those Australian grasshoppers!!!!

[ellanoize]

Sometimes ya just gotta put 'em in thier place...LOL

************************************************

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

[ellanoize]

Cindy, a beautiful, well-endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet...

As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says:

Snatch Eating Frogs - Only $20 each! - Money-Back Guarantee! - (Comes with complete instructions).

Cindy excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to Ralph, the man behind the counter: "I'll take one."

Ralph, packaging up the frog, says, "Just follow the instructions carefully."

Cindy nods, "Okay," grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, Cindy takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do...

1. Take a shower.

2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.

3. Slip into on a very sexy teddy.

4. Crawl into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down "there".

She then quickly gets into bed, puts the frog between her legs and, to her surprise, nothing happens!

Cindy is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store".

So, Cindy calls...

Ralph, the man from behind the counter says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over".

Within five minutes, Ralph is ringing her doorbell.

Cindy welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there".

Ralph, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"

[gus danger]

Ribet Ribet!!! [img]wink.gif[/img]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."


[img]graemlins/guy.gif[/img]
Gus

[cherrysmum]

hahaha..putting the old foot in the mouth